How to get your ex back. How to get your ex husband or ex wife back. How
to get your ex boyfriend or ex girl friend back permanently
It’s not necessarily too late to rekindle
the love with your ex—but don’t get rash and make any mediocre moves.
You want to do this right, and that means re-engaging with an abundance
of caution and more confidence than ever. So here are 10 tips on how to
approach her for Round Two
1. Reconnect with a text: Sometimes
absence makes the heart grow fonder—but other times, it causes that
heart to seek out another man. Bottom line: Don’t call first. “Try
sending a sweet text, not one that will make her think you’re looking
for a booty call,” says dating expert Julie Spira. “Think about
something that you shared together that might warm her heart.” Example: Was listening to the radio and heard that Coldplay song. Brought back memories of the concert together. Hope you’re doing great. If she responds, she may be open to rekindling the spark. And if she responds with an "Ew, WTF," proceed to step two.
2. Take it slow. You romanced her once already, but
that doesn’t mean you get to go from zero to 60 without even getting
behind the wheel. So propose getting together—not moving in
together. Says Seattle-resident Adria, who took her ex back after a
nasty breakup: “He apologized out of the blue after three months of no
contact and was very respectful of me. He wasn't pushy about getting
back together, which would have been a red flag in my eyes.”
3. Call her, maybe: So far, so good? Great. Suggest a
casual date by phone. No texts. No emails. Let her hear your voice and
register some sincere effort on your part. “See if she’d like to join
you at an art gallery opening, see a movie, or a hike on a sunny day,”
says Spira. “It will give you the chance to get together in a relaxed
environment, without too much pressure.” But remember, accepting your
invite is just that—and not a sure sign she wants to get back together.
If she turns you down, give her space. “Don’t beg, cry, or stalk her,”
Spira says. “If it’s meant to be, she’ll come around on her own
time-table.”
4. Tell her you miss her: If she accepts your date
invite, ease in. Ask what she’s been up to, how work is going, if her
dog is still peeing on the couch—whatever. Then, if the date is going
well and she seems to be warming up (you know, read the signs) say you
want her back. Vulnerability on your part might improve your odds of a
second chance; don’t just rip the Band-Aids off every old
wound. “Open your heart and see how she reacts,” Spira says. “You don’t
need to talk about everything that went wrong in the relationship. She
knows, you know—keep the conversation light.”
5. Own up: If she seems open, and you want to step
up for another at-bat, acknowledge your shortcomings. “If you did
something hurtful, make a real apology,” Frances says. “It might be wise
to see a therapist to clarify what you did and why, and how best to
sort of the problem.” Then, no matter what she did, you need to take
responsibility for you—and change. If you weren’t willing to extend an
effort to get to know her friends before, tell her you’d be game for
drinks as a group. (Yeah, that’s right. Swallow your pride.)
6. Avoid rehashing the past: After
you’ve acknowledged the problem, look ahead. “Don’t go down memory lane
and hash out all the things you thought were wrong with the
relationship,” Spira says. Focus on the positive qualities that brought
you together in the first place, like your crazy sense of humor, or the
way your laid-back personality complements her type-A tendencies.
7. Use the friend group:
Even though you might want a new beginning, you should still tap back
into those old loving feelings. An easy way to recreate happy times is
to meet up in a safe, familiar environment—like an outing with your
mutual friend group. Just make sure you can easily break off from the
pack to talk. Alisha, from San Antonio, TX, had an ex take that
approach—and it worked. “We were telling stories, joking and laughing
together. It was comfortable, fun. Then my ex pulled me aside and asked
me if we could give things another try. We talked a lot about our
futures, and I felt things could really work.”
8. Don’t compare notes: Look, forget that
relationship hiatus even existed. You both up and went on with your
lives while you were apart—but that doesn’t mean you need to talk about
what went down. “She doesn’t need to hear about the bad dates you went
on,” says Spira,“ or about your conquests either.” Would you want to
hear about the guys who took your place? Didn’t think so.
9. Tap into your romantic side: While chivalrous acts aren’t the most important thing, they are
important. Chocolates, cards and flowers (sent to her office so all her
co-workers can get green with envy) are time-honored clichés for a
reason: They kind of work. But here’s how to make it a legit, not
cheesy, gesture: “Write a love letter,” says Frances. “Tell her why you
love her and what it is about her that makes her completely special.
It’s OK to rip off lyrics or poetry. Send the letter with flowers. Good,
old-fashioned courtship works.”
10. Buy a ring:
Relax. This advice isn’t for everyone, obviously. But if you’re
absolutely positive about this girl, the ultimate bold move has had
unparalleled success, says Frances. “Most of the time, the split is
about commitment issues, so you’ve got to be coming back with terms
she’ll be happy with.” And even if you’re not ready for the ring? You
can learn something here: You have got to step it up and have a plan for
the relationship. Period. No woman will rekindle a romance that’s not
moving her forward…at least a little bit.
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